On a personal note:
I'm not a feminist. I don't hate men. I've just come across so many people (mostly girls)
that have had such bad experiences with men, with fathers, brothers
boyfriends, and strangers.
And it makes me think... where'd our men go?
Our men with value?
Protectors?
Those people we look up to and are always looking out for us.
I don't hate men...
And in the past I had an immense amount of anger towards them,
but I feel we are lacking of more positive influences...
This is a small passage of something I'm working on.
Dear daddy,
I'm
not sure where you are right now, but mom said that you "lost us". So
I'm sending you our address incase you forgot it. Hopefully you can find us
dad, but if you can't I'll go searching for you myself. Johnny, my best friend,
he said that he heard you talking about us to his mom. And that he loves how
you buy him lots of candy when you visit them. I think Johnny is a big fat liar.
I mean he always says he has fancy things but he never shows them to me. And he
said that he heard you say I wasn't your son.
I
mean that can't be true dad. Mom said you both got together to make me,
"just like musicians make music." remember she said that dad? I saw
you chuckling, you were nodding, and then you winked at her. Johnny is a big
fat liar is all! I asked mom why he said that and she just shook her head. She
looked really sad, and angry.
I
don't get it. I think mom is mad because you broke her favorite flower vase,
and you sold the ring she gave you. She was crying after you left and slammed
the door. Why did you slam the door dad? Did mom say something to make you mad?
I hugged her and told her not to cry because you and I love her so much, but
that only made her cry more. Daddy, please come back so mom can stop crying. I
don't like it when she's sad.
With
all my Love,
Your
Son
……
Dear man that
used to be my father,
I heard you got
Johnny everything he ever wanted. He used to be my best friend, and now all I
ever wanna do is slam my fist into his face, or maybe his heart, so he can feel
the anger that I feel. I wish I never met him, and I wish I never knew you. You
gave them everything we had.
Just two days
ago I passed by his house or maybe I should call it yours. I sneaked a peek
into his window. Our furniture was in there. And that favorite painting of
mine, the one you made yourself. When we used to go to the park on Sundays,
just to make portraits of the beautiful lake I loved so much. But I was too
young, and so dumb. Damn, I fucking hate you.
You know… I’ve
been working extra hard now. I’m barely at a legal age to work, but mom, she’s
not strong enough to work on her own. And our apartment, it’s really small, but
so expensive. Then there’s Lea, I’m sure you remember her. You know, the other
kid that isn’t yours. She was 2 when you left, so she probably won’t care as
much as I do, the way you just walked out of our home, and built another, just
a few miles away. I mean it must have meant nothing to you. It was just too easy.
We must have been NOTHING to you. It just seemed too easy.
Mom finally
told me, how stupid she felt for not noticing. Your constant trips to a
strangers’ house, your constant excuses for not taking me out. The nights you
didn’t come home, telling her you were working. You even took us to her house
to have dinner with her! And you just smiled the whole night, just looking
across the table. You sick fuck! It must have meant nothing. We must have been
nothing. I heard she wasn’t the only one. But that doesn’t matter. You’re doing
fine. Johnny never looks at me in school. Mom has a doctors appointment
tomorrow, her back really hurts. Lea is starting to ask questions, about you.
And me, well… I really really dislike you.
With
all my hate,
Your
Legal Son